And that's that...

You know what, I still love The Man.
And that's ok.
(Dr Stuart Mills agrees with me...look, another NEW man in my life! LOL)
My feelings are my feelings and I have lots of great memories and shared moments to base that on.
And I don't want to be angry.
I don't want to keep making new things to hate each other over.
He's not Satan, the bad things he did were bad enough, I don't need any other reasons to dislike him.
I don't have that much hate in me - and that's a good thing about ME!
That's something I should be proud of, in ME!
So, maybe I can't forgive and forget, and he can't either, and maybe he'll never be my friend again because we hurt each other.
I'll live with that - I've lived through much worse.

But I don' t have to be ashamed of still loving him.
And that realisation makes me breathe better and I don't shake as much when I think about teh future.

I am going to enjoy my peace, consolidate my strength, learn about myself and all the new skills I need and have neglected...and I am going to love instead of hate.
Forgiveness? Maybe not as easy, but love I'm ok with.
That I'm good at. And I'll get better.