Friendship

I have amazing friends.
I am always amazed at people who go through their adult lives without making new and wonderful friends - it seems to me that, as adults, this is when we best recognise truly amazing individuals who are good and healthy and worth being around.
This week, those people all stood up in my life and said "where have you been? we've been waiting for you to talk to us". And then, they just let me fall apart - which was a relief after trying to hold it together for so long.
I wish I had known that. I wish I had known when to let go my stranglehold on the very special but, let's face it, very intense and out-of-control relationship I have with The Man, and turn to someone else safe, and caring, for some of the support I needed.
I'm not renowned for letting things go when they get hard though.
I guess it's a new skill I'm going to have to learn - that prioritising is not giving up. That letting go is not always a bad thing.
Some of my friends weren't the greatest choices, it's a mistake to think that just because someone's got something wonderful in them that you love, that they couldn't hurt you anyway.
That's a big part of why I didn't want to lean on anyone else.
The Man and I both had a, possibly naive, opinion that everyone has something good in them and you should just love them for who they are. To the point that neither of us liked to admit that the people we loved had any black points. If they weren't all white in our views then it was some kind of betrayal...and let's face it, life's a lot greyer than that and it's a horrible feeling to feel hateful about the person you love most in the world - it's pretty confusing.
But not all my choices have been bad, and it's not just my oldest most precious friends who have stepped up for me, and I thank them all for being here, right now, when I really needed it.
...but that doesn't mean I want any more of those fucking angels, puppies or so-called inspirational messages on my emails.
The quiches were great though - thanks!
Love you all lots. XXX