A good friend & I are so impressed by our own, combined cleverness that we actually keep our emails back and forwards - it's been going on for more than 12 years now - and I just took a little wander down cyberspace's own memory lane today.
One of my favourites, and reasonably relevant, is my ranting over The Man's inability to get the kids to school on time the one day of the fortnight I used to come to work early.
"My husband got very snotty last night because I happened to mention that if I wasn't around no one got anywhere on time, ever, and that even if I was around he was a fucking handicap to good timekeeping
It's 8.30am and I just rang him, the phone woke him up...when we get The Girl's report at the end of the year it will say every second Tuesday she was late for school!
I hope she cries and makes him feel like shit..."
My friend replied "That sounds like six months' worth of I-Told-You-So".
But my plan went a little differently...
"Or just a good, sound slapping when he goes to sleep.
Actually, what I'm going to do is program his watch, his phone, the clock and my phone so they all go off at 15 minute intervals and then put a big post-it on the kettle, his smokes packet and the back of the toilet door that says "what time is it honey?"...dickhead!"
She replied "LMAO oh do it, that sounds hysterical - can you set your stereo to go off? I can and that's pretty amazing if you forget to turn the volume down - it's out in the lounge and the house just starts to rumble and shake - LOL"
In my defense, The Kids have been late and lunchless several times since The Man moved out and I even received a lecture on letting up and 'going with the flow' when it comes to staying out past bedtime.
I even have a copy of all their late days printed off for the next time he gets up my nose - but considering tomorrow is their last day at this school and, if all goes to plan, he'll only ever have to get them to school one day a fortnight from now on, I think I can live.
I sure as hell know it's not a fight I'm ever going to win.'
Time to back off and breathe - the kids are too anal themselves to let him get away with it for long!
Other favourites include:
"I'm doing a story for the vet about national desexing month and I've titled it 'The Kindest Cut'.
I crack myself up
This is how writers in seclusion go crazy you know."
I think we'll have to do a search and rescue mission and dig up some other favourite reminiscings.
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