Technologically Challenged

I should only ever be allowed to type on computers - never anything else.
All my files should be locked and all my cords duct-taped in place.

In an effort to clear some space on my hard drive (is my lingo wrong, probably) I started killing temporary files, moved up to program files and somehow found myself in the cyber-land of no return where, in a frenzy of deleting I somehow made it impossible for my computer to EVEN RECOGNISE THE EXISTENCE OF A HARD DRIVE.

Yes, problem, especially with a new contract to save a certain Outback community newspaper.
To make it worse, I've discovered that job's not going to be easy while I have to rely on the newspaper's local incumbent...she's not happy about me taking the job and telling her what to do.
She's not happy if I don't do the layout, she's not happy if I do do the layout, she doesn't have story lists or ad lists and she doesn't have time to send me the classifieds because then she'll be up all night...of course, if I don't do the damn page she'll be up all night anyway.
Stupid COW!
How do these women (and I include myself in this one) find their way into newspapers?

So, today, after I got my computer back and actually started yelling at her, sending her story lists and demands and calling in all the local committee members to go around and bang on her door...she went to bed 'sick'.
Now - I know that kind of 'sick', it's deadline sickness, I've had it many a time and sat at a computer board crying that I would NEVER EVER FINISH THIS PAPER!
It's also a self-fulfilling prophecy, because if you don't actually get your arse out of bed you really never do finish the paper.

I'm actually dealing quite well with the 'Dark Side' - SA's country media moguls who print this particular publication and would be relieved to just take the whole thing over.
They've been very helpful and supportive, although we did have a tense moment today when I had to explain that no, my last newspaper project was not a Council-funded organisation and I was never paid a wage by my local Council in my role as Editor and could they please stop spreading that slander around because, after three and a half years (six months of which I worked for free) I still take it quite personally.

So, basically, I had to dob on her to her bosses.
And I was already two computer-less days behind.
I now realise that my main role will be to ride her arse like an three-corner-jack on a whaler...every day.

And what she doesn't realise is I'm copying every email over to her bosses.
They're copying every one to me, as well as all the comments from the 'Dark Side'.
And, no matter how much and who she slags (and that's ALL of us so far, just depending on the audience) we're still going to do it MY WAY!

It's nice to be doing something I'm good at again.
It's nice to be God again.
...and I'm ready to do some SMITING!